Please don’t tend your hoo hoo while driving–at least not in my town

So I’m still banged up and still sitting around on my little pillow

Driving with a deadly hoo hoo

waiting for my back and neck and head to stop feeling like someone is repeatedly banging on me with a bowling ball due to the woman who hit me going 80 miles an hour while texting and driving. At least she didn’t hit me while shaving her bikini line.

Enter Megan Barnes. It takes me a moment to get over the magnitude of the who, why, where, and WHAT, for the love of all things holy—could possibly be so urgent—that she would feel the need to take her Lady Schick to her hoo hoo while careening down the highway

CBS news reported that Barnes, while in the act of grooming her lady parts, banged into the back of a pickup, and when Florida Highway Patrol asked her what the heck she was doing that would cause her to rear-end somebody on the highway, she told them it was because she wasn’t paying attention to the road because she was paying attention to her own front-end, getting it properly trimmed up so she wasn’t looking when she rear-ended the pickup. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

When the trooper asked her why she was tending her business in the middle of the Interstate, she said she “was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit.”

Taking a gander at this unfortunate-looking woman’s mugshot, I’d say a well-groomed hoo hoo wouldn’t make much difference, and her time could have been better spent on a good trip to the Maybelline counter at her local Wal-Mart.

When I showed her picture to Chap, he immediately leapt backward and yelped. This from a man who guts deer without flinching and makes his own sausage. Ick.

So here’s what I don’t understand. Landscaping your lady parts is hard enough to do in the privacy of your own shower, where you’ve got lots of light, plenty of space, and the added benefit of not having a steering wheel in your lap.

And what about passing pickups? Anyone who’s ever driven or ridden in a pickup knows you can see right down into passing car’s windows, and truckers know if they’re lucky they’ll get a good shot of some nice, tidy cleavage.

Imagine their surprise when they took a peek down into Mizz Schick’s window? I’m surprised she only caused one accident.

But it gets better. Never mind that she was doing her mobile hoo hoo maintenance while her license was suspended–the day before for driving under the influence.

Police reports fail to mention under the influence of what? Severe Redneckedness?

And Mizz Schick said the accident wasn’t really her fault, because she wasn’t “really driving” because her ex-husband was steering from the passenger seat so she could concentrate, and she needed to be ready for her date with the new guy.

Whew. Thank goodness. I figured there was a reasonable explanation.

But please, texting while driving is bad enough. If you’re going to drive while tending your hoo hoo, please don’t do it in my town.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while driving?

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About kitfrazier

Award-winning novelist and former big city journalist who bumped into a cowboy and woke up in the wild, wild west.
This entry was posted in Confessions of an Accidental Cowgirl. Bookmark the permalink.

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