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Monthly Archives: April 2011
Contrary to popular opinion, I do not up and marry every cowboy who asks me
Contrary to popular opinion, I do not up and marry every cowboy who asks me. The first time I was proposed to traumatized both me and my mama, and it certainly did not end with a big white dress flowin’ … Continue reading
Royal Wedding, Texas Style—Possum not included
Yeah, yeah, Kate’s got a tiara and she’s getting’ a crown, and the royal wedding is getting to be a royal pain in the ass. If you really want a royally good time, y’all oughta attend a good Texas wedding. … Continue reading
Birds, bees and conjugal visits
Spring at the ranch is out in full force–despite the temperature being hotter than the hammered hinges of hell, flowers are rioting, birds are singing and bees are doing their thing. And a pair of roadrunners have taken up residence … Continue reading
Sadly, Chicken-Fried Bacon is Not One Of The Four Basic Food Groups
Despite what you may have heard, chicken-fried bacon is not one of the four food groups. I have spent several years trying to convince Chap that there are foods that do not have to be battered, fried or soaked in … Continue reading
My dog, the conscientious objector
“Do you know what your dog did?” “Oh, no,” I groaned, hoping my little Border collie devil-dog hadn’t decided to eat the house. Again. Last week he chewed up a pair of Chap’s reading glasses and barely lived to tell … Continue reading
Posted in Confessions of an Accidental Cowgirl
Tagged Border Collie, dog, Fish, Fishing rod, Outdoors, Pets, Recreation, Shopping
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Fires rage through Texas
When Chap came back up to the house Sunday, his jaw was set and he didn’t take off his leather work gloves. “The deer are moving,” he said. I nodded, “I saw that,” I said, and went to fetch my … Continue reading
Pecked to death by a duck
Two of the five boys who live across the river paddled their canoe over to ask me if they could “take my dog”—these are the same kids that caused me to have to swim over to retrieve my border collie … Continue reading
Posted in Confessions of an Accidental Cowgirl
Tagged Austin, Border Collie, Canoe, Diet Coke, dog, Duck, Homeschooling, Recreation, River, Texas
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Yes, but were you wearing clean underwear?
I was recently chatting with the fire chief, when the conversation turned–as it often does–to underwear. Well, conversations with my mother, anyway. Each evening when I call her, she wants to know two things–what did I eat today, and am … Continue reading
No, I don’t want to feel your new ta-ta’s
“Feel my tits.” “I am not going to feel your tits,” I told my co-worker (in the ad department, of course), who had just purchased herself a new pair of ta-tas. “Oh, come on, they’re almost lifelike!” I wanted to … Continue reading
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